Click here for the audio version to Roundoms 10! ITUNES or STITCHER or LIBSYN.
It’s time to kill the king! Long live the king! Start up the generator!
Usurp Rectum.
There are many assholes in the world. I would argue there are more assholes than dicks and gashes combined. AND, there have been a lot of them in power. That is to say they have taken a shit on their brothers and sisters and exiled the soft and cuddly Charmin bear from their fantastically elite outhouses . One thing that our young history has told us is the shit stains don’t last forever. It’s only a matter of time before the great enema bag comes knocking on gold plated bathroom doors to wash clean the filthy intestines of the crapiest people that have ever walked our tiny planet.
Let us make a list to discover a little bit about the Usurped Rectums of the world. Bring the incense because we are about to chip the porcelain with a mustard cloud afterbirth that should oppress the people in the adjoining countries. Let’s start with our most recent dump. AND, let’s do it Playboy centerfold style!
Muammar Gaddafi.
Favorite activities: “I love having over women visitors so I can rape them. I also like when black slaves, I mean African leaders, come to visit. And I love listening to Prince. He also has a fantastic wardrobe.” Good first date idea: “Well, I first take them out to see our oil fields and then show them the 20′ high barb wired fence. There is no escape from a date with me, no matter how hard they try. And then I rape them quickly and finish them off with a dutch oven. Then I have dinner alone. Because who wants to hear all that crying.” Unfortunately for Gaddafi, all the men he dressed as women during his rape parties found him on a sunny day in late October 2011 and ran a train on him while on the top of a tank and released the video for all the world to see on Youporn. He ruled for 47 years before he was what?! “Usurped!” That’s right, kids. Bye bye, MG. And take your Lebron headband with you. Who is our next lovely rectum.
Saddam Hussein. Your favorite book: “My favorite book is “The Autobiography of Joseph Stalin.” He was much crueler than Hitler and killed thousands of people every day. He was my Un-American Idol.” Your favorite activities: “I like to write poems. I will recite one for you now. “Roses are red, Kurds are blue, Mustard gas looks pretty, and fuck the Jews.” Myself also likes to take photos of myself standing against murals of myself on streets named after myself holding up money that depicts myself. If myself could afford it, myself would force all Iraqi people to get face reconstruction so they all looked like myself. Could you imagine a nation of Saddams running around fucking our sheep, I mean women! And while we are at it, the sheep will also look like myself.” Well, you can only shit on yourself so many times before the rope around your neck summons the final shit. So long, So Damn Insane and say hello to your greatest role. Being Satan’s pimp on South Park. But he did lead Iraq in one capacity or another for 27 years until he was was what?! “Usurped!” Enjoy Hades and say hi to your kids for me. OK, who is the next beautiful rectum?
Pol Pot. Your biggest dislikes: “I hate smart people. But you can’t call them that or the world gets upset. So we called them “new” people. Because we all know old people are dumb as fuck. I also hate unemployment. If you look at the four year rule we had on Cambodia, we had zero percent unemployment. Everybody had their own killing field. The “new” people called it that, but the “old” people referred to it as “Detroit.” Your favorite song: “The Dead Kennedy’s “Holliday in Cambodia” of course. I play it every morning from massive speakers that point out to the fields. Feel good music to die, I mean, work to.” Pol Pot ended up killing a quarter of Cambodia’s population in four short years. China had tried to tell him “The Great Leap Forward” into communism should be done in increments. But Pol Pot’s biggest problem was impatience as he was quickly pushed into the fields himself by the Vietnamese army. Oh great enema bag of the sky, take the dysentery waters of the Mekong and wash out this rotten cabbage of an anus from the extremely peaceful lands of Southeast Asia. (Snicker.) AND, please use a hollowed out bamboo shot. I’m glad to say, Pol Pot, you have been what?! “Usurped!” That’s right, my little finger puppets. Though I do believe or time is up. “Do one more! Do one more!” Whoa, don’t we sound like a communist regime. But, OK! Serve up another rectum!
Mel, um, Gibson? Your likes: “I like those cuckold films. Have you ever seen those? It’s when a white guy pays a nigger to fuck his wife. There is no date involved. They don’t go eat at El Torito where all the wetbacks work and have a fucking chimichunga. Just a good old fashion raping of a lying bitch. Like my ex-wife. I also like seeing Jews getting punched in the face. Especially in the nose. Which might as well be the same thing. Have you seen a Jews nose? It’s impossible to stand next to them and still breathe because that giant fucking schnoz is stealing all the fucking oxygen!” Your favorite ice cream: “Vanilla. Pristine. Virgin like. It’s so much better when you don’t have all those foreigners in there. No dark chocholate bits or salty, tasty nuts as the fags call them. BTW, This (points at rectum) isn’t for dicks. Assholes are for shitting.” And you, Mr. Gibson, ran your diarrhea mouth right off the thrown of Hollywood. This man is a two time academy award winner for Braveheart and was voted “The Sexiest Man Alive” by People Magazine in 1985. But now, nobody went to see your beaver. (Sorry, Jodie Foster, but that’s on you.) Make way for the new assholes of Hollywood beacause Mel Gibson was what? “Usurped!” Correct, ginger crotches, correct you are. The Germans have a saying that goes something like this: “Once you have ruined your reputation, you can live your life quite freely.” So roam, you rectums, roam! You are now as free as a gigantic turd flowing from the L.A. river into the great Pacific ocean.
Roundoms! 